


Farts Like a Clydesdale

by JennywithWings (suchasillymoose)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-05-13
Packaged: 2018-06-08 05:16:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6840457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suchasillymoose/pseuds/JennywithWings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas gets caught in an embarrassing situation in a grocery store. Dean thinks it's hilarious and can't get the man out of his head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Farts Like a Clydesdale

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a prompt about a Craigslist ad I saw in a Destiel FB group.

 

 

 

Dean hefted his shopping basket onto his other arm as he sauntered into the bread aisle. The aisle was empty except for one other person, a tall man, close to Dean's height. Even though his mind was focused on his grocery list, Dean couldn't help but check out the other man. His back was to Dean, and Dean's mouth watered a bit at the sight of the man's shapely, round ass in the tight jeans. He was wearing a blue t-shirt that clung to his broad shoulders and muscled back.

 

Grocery list forgotten, Dean's flirting instincts took over as he approached the man. He must have been stealthier than he thought, because the man didn't seem to hear him coming. He knew this because just as Dean got closer, the man let out an absolutely enormous fart. The sound vibrated through the air and stopped Dean in his tracks. Before he could stop himself, he snorted loudly. Because yes, Dean has the maturity of a 12 year old and bathroom humor is hilarious.

 

The man froze and whirled around to face Dean, eyes huge. "T-T-That wasn't me," he stammered, face flaming. Dean took a second to appreciate that the man's front was even better than the backside. His dark hair was in disarray, but it only served to heighten the appeal of his full, pink lips and huge blue eyes.

 

Going into full flirt-mode, Dean grinned cheekily, "Are you SURE about that?"

 

The man attempted to regain a bit of composure, and huffed loudly, "Of COURSE it wasn't." He almost sounded offended that Dean would suggest such a thing. But Dean was neither deaf nor an idiot, he knew what he'd heard. And now, smelled. Good lord it was like sulfur and roadkill all mixed together. What did this guy EAT? Blue-Eyed Farter was really cute, though, so Dean kept teasing.

 

As the man continued to ignore Dean and his accusations of flatulence, Dean set his basket down and grabbed two Ciabatta loaves off the shelf in front of him and began waving them around dramatically, as if to clear the smell away. "Phew! Well, man, SOMETHING sure stinks around here. Is sulfur bread a thing that I'm not aware of? Skunkbread? Is that a thing?"

 

Blue-Eyed Farter just glared at Dean, and Dean withered a bit under the icy stare from those eyes. The man growled, "Assbutt," under his breath and turned and stomped away, leaving Dean there, alone, waving around loaves of bread.

 

He slowly lowered them to his sides and muttered, "Dammit."

 

 

***

A week later, Dean still couldn't get his mystery farter out of his head. Those eyes, the hair, his gravelly voice. Dean felt a bit bad for embarrassing the man... hey, everyone farts... but he really just wanted to see him again. He had a brilliant (If he said so himself) idea. So he put an ad in Craigslist.

 

 

 

 

> _"You were the tall brunette with the near perfect body that farted in the bread section last week. I was the tall guy next to you that teased you about it, and you quickly said, "It wasn't me!" You almost seemed insulted I would ask. As the stink grew you continued to deny your flatulence, but it was evident. I tried to get rid of the stench by waving 2 loafs of Ciabatta bread. You proceeded to storm off in an angry manner. You are beautiful and even if you are a liar and fart like a Clydesdale, I'd love to meet up."_

 

 

 

***

"Dean, have you completely lost your mind? Why would you think that this guy would RESPOND to this ad?"

 

Dean scowled at his brother, face tinged pink. "Uh, I don't know, Sammy. I thought it was funny?"

 

"Well, the way you described this guy, it didn't seem like he thought the situation was funny. You caught him doing something totally embarrassing when he thought he was alone, and then kept making fun of him about it. THEN you put an ad on freakin Craigslist telling the story? Jesus Dean. I don't know how your brain works sometimes," Sam said with exasperation.

 

Dean sighed, "You could be right. Actually, in the store, I was just trying to get him to laugh, so he WOULDN'T feel embarrassed. I mean, it's not like I've never let one rip when I shouldn't have. Remember me when you first brought Jess to meet me? Christ that was awful. And you, you're fucking toxic most of the time with your gas. I just was trying to lighten the mood. And flirt a little. Guess I'm an idiot, though."

 

"You're not an idiot, Dean. Maybe this wasn't your best idea, but you're not an idiot. You probably shouldn't expect to hear from this guy, though."

 

"I know. There was just something about him though... but you're right. I gotta forget about it."

 

 

***

A few weeks later, even though he'd long given up on hearing back from Blue-Eyed Farter, he logged onto Craigslist, and saw that he had a reply. His heart stopped as he clicked on it.

 

_"Hey sweet-cheeks. My name is Gabriel, and I'm not the gassy one you're looking for. HOWEVER, I did see your ad and noticed its remarkable similarity to a story my dear brother Castiel told me a few weeks back. Well, he didn't so much volunteer the information as I coaxed it out of him. See, he'd come home from the grocery store all irritable and acting like a big bag of dicks, and wouldn't tell me why. So later, I got him drunk enough to spill the beans, and I heard this story about how he'd humiliated himself in front of the most gorgeous man he'd ever seen._

_"I mean, I tried to tell him that it wasn't a big deal, that it sounded like you didn't care and were just trying to make him laugh about it, but he wouldn't hear it. I admit, I'd dying to see what you look like, from the way Cassy described you.Though I probably shouldn't be telling you that. He's already going to smite me for sending you this message. But, I can tell, he obviously liked you, and now, seeing this ad, that you liked him._

_"My brother is an amazing, caring, loyal, loving man, but he's lonely. He has a hard time making friends, and I'm really all he has. Aside from me he's been alone most of his life. I'm doing this because I want him to have someone else who cares about him. I'm not saying you have to marry him or anything. I just want him to have the chance to meet someone to see if there's potential there. So if you're just looking for a way to get your rocks off, just back off now. Cassy is not that kind of guy. But I figure, if you're as hot as he said you are, you probably can get action without putting up a weird ad on Craigslist, so maybe you are a good guy would really just wants to get to know my brother._

_"If THAT is the case, I will give you Cassy's phone number (hint-don't call him Cassy. He hates it, and only tolerates when I do it.). But you must swear that you're not going to use him or do a hit it and quit it, or I will find you. And I know how to get rid of a body._

_"Here is my number if you want to talk. 856-555-8599 -G"_

 

Dean read the message through three times before fumbling for his phone and hastily putting Gabriel's number in, thinking about what he'd said. Gabriel was right, and Dean respected him for looking out for his brother. Dean had had his days when he was younger of having one night stands, but that was all behind him. Had been for awhile now. Now, Dean was only interested in meeting someone he could have a future with. Up until now he hadn't met anyone remotely like that. Maybe that's why he'd been so hung up on finding Castiel (it was awesome to finally have a name to put to the face). He'd been physically attracted, sure, but there was also a spark, _something_ , he'd felt, and he couldn't just forget about that man. He didn't hesitate to sent off a text message.

 

_"Gabe, this is Dean, I'm the guy from the Craigslist ad. Thanks for your response. I didn't think I'd get one, but I'm really hoping to get in contact with Castiel. I would really like to get to know him, and if nothing else, apologize for embarrassing him, even though you were right, i was just trying to get him to laugh and not feel self-conscious about it."_

 

He only waited a couple minutes before he got a text in return.

 

_"Dean. Cool. So does mean that you actually are interesting in Castiel. As more than a quick hook-up? Shit I hate texting. Can I call you?"_

 

Dean laughed as he typed out a "sure" and sent it. A minute later his phone was ringing.

 

"Hello?"

"Is this Dean?"

"Yeah. Gabe?"

"The one and only, bucko. So, what do you say?"

"Look, Gabe, I get it. I know you're protective. Is Castiel your younger brother?"

"Yeah, how'd you guess?"

"Because I have a younger brother, too. And I'd do anything to protect him. And to see him happy. So I get it. I get why you contacted me, but also why you're a little wary of me. You don't want me to come in and use him and hurt him by leaving. I'm not like that. I'm not gonna lie, I had my share of flings when I was younger, but my partners always knew what the deal was. I never deceived anyone by promising more that one night. But I haven't done that in a long time now. I'm looking for someone to spend my life with. Is that your brother? I have no idea. But that's why I want to get to know him. I haven't been able to get him out of my mind, and it wasn't just because he's hot. I just... felt something."

 

He heard Gabriel sigh on the other end of the line. "Ok. I believe you. Cassy's talked a lot about you, too. I think he's gotten over the initial mortification, he just keeps wondering out loud if he'll ever run into you again, if you live in the area, if you're single, straight, available... it's getting annoying, to be honest. I haven't told him about you, or the ad... I'm not sure if that's best. Maybe we should tell him we met in another way."

 

"Gabe, I don't want to start off any potential relationship with Castiel with lies. We have to tell him everything. I won't lie to him."

 

Dean could hear the smile in Gabe's voice as he said, "Ding ding ding we have a winner! Right answer, Dean-o. I just wanted to see if you'd be down with hiding stuff, just to make things easier. Ok. I'm sure now. I want you to meet Cassy for real. So here's the deal. I'll tell him everything. Your ad, me finding it and contacting you. He'll be upset at first, but I'll smooth it over. I'll tell him everything you said, and that I believe you are sincere. Then I'll give him your number and let him take it from there. Is that ok with you?"

 

"Uhh. Yeah, sure. You can't give me his number, though?"

 

"Not yet. I think that he'll need time to get over being pissed at me, and maybe even at you for posting that ad. I'll make sure I get him to see that you thought it was funny, and weren't making fun of him. That you really just wanted to get together and talk to him. It'll be important to him to be the one to make the choice to call you."

 

"But what if he doesn't?"

 

"Trust me, he will. It might not be today or tomorrow, but, he will."

 

"Ok Gabe, I trust you."

 

"And I'm trusting you, too. Remember what I said about getting rid of bodies."

 

"I know, I know. Bye Gabe, and good luck."

 

"Talk to you soon, lover boy."

 

 

***

Dean was on edge for several days. Just as he was beginning to think that Castiel wasn't interested, or he was too mad or embarrassed about the situation in general, Dean's phone lit up with a call from a number he didn't recognize. He took a deep breath and swiped to open the call.

 

"Hello?"

"Um, Hello, I'm looking for Dean..."

There was no mistaking that deep voice, Dean knew it was Castiel. His heart began to race.

"Yeah, this is Dean."

"Oh, good. Um, my name is Castiel, I believe you've spoken to my brother... uh... we sort of met in the grocery store about a month ago?"

"Cas! I'm glad you called." Dean winced a little at the nickname that had spilled out, he hoped Castiel didn't mind.

 

"Well, I must say I was pretty annoyed initially at my brother for presuming to write to you like that, but I admit I'm glad. I was so embarrassed about what happened in the store, my first instinct was to never see you again the rest of my life. But I couldn't seem to stop thinking about you."

 

"Huh. Yeah, same here. I mean, uh, I've been thinking about you a lot, too. Obviously, since I did that stupid Craigslist ad. But hey, it got us talking right now, didn't it? Oh, and look, I'm really sorry if I made you feel bad in the store... I was honestly just trying to make you laugh. I mean, you farted, it's no big deal. I let one rip once, oh my god it was SO loud, thinking I was alone, when actually my brother and his new girlfriend, who I hadn't met yet, had just come into the room. Talk about embarrassing. It happens to everyone, you just gotta laugh it off. "

 

Dean smiled at the soft chuckle that came across the line.

 

Castiel said, "Yes, I suppose you're right. And don't worry about it, I'm not upset about it anymore."

 

"That's good. So, uh, do you think you'd be interested in doing something. With me. Like dinner or something, sometime?"

 

Dean mentally crossed all his fingers and toes.

 

"Really? Like a date?" Castiel asked, sounding a bit breathless.

 

"Yeah, like a date."

 

"I'd love to."

 

 

***

**_ONE YEAR LATER_ **

 

Dean peeked around the aisle, looking down the long shelves lined with bread. He was there. In the exact spot where they'd first met.

 

Castiel was standing there, choosing the loaves that Dean had asked him to pick up on his way home from work. Dean crept down the aisle quietly, but quickly, not wanting to lose his chance. He stood a few feet behind Castiel.

 

He cleared his throat loudly, and as Castiel spun around, Dean dropped to one knee and held out a small box, containing a beautiful platinum ring. A huge smile lit up Castiel's face as he breathed out, "Dean." Followed immediately by, "YES!"

 

 

**_THE END_ **

**Author's Note:**

> I actually have NO familiarity with Craigslist at all, so if the way Gabe responded to Dean was off, sorry... just pretend this is an alternate universe where Craigslist works that way. I wrote this really fast (for me) so apologies for any typos or mistakes.


End file.
